Dear Moneyist,
My father died a year ago. His oldest daughter took over everything, and has excluded me from even seeing his will. She forced my mother to sign power of attorney and proxy statements over to her, despite my father’s deathbed wish that she not do so. My mother is very frail since his death, and she afraid of this daughter.
‘I am his younger daughter and my mother’s favorite, except I have no power. My income is in the low teens, and the other daughter makes $140,000 and has a large government pension.’
I am his younger daughter and my mother’s favorite, except I have no power. My income is in the low teens, and the other daughter makes $140,000 and has a large government pension. I have no pension, no retirement money, very tiny savings, and will only be eligible for a few hundred a month in Social Security.
My parents told me long ago that they had put enough money by to keep me in an apartment for the rest of my life when I am past working. Apparently, it was not in a trust with my name on it.
I found out today that the oldest daughter had my mother sign a will giving her more money — mostly because she wants compensation for the “care” she has given my mother. (Not actual care, just placing her in various homes, and not even letting me participate in choosing them.)
Also see: My parents gave my sister $75,000 for her student debt, should I also ask for $75,000?
I have no money for a lawyer, and no actual way to see this will. My mother knows it was bad to agree to abide by the oldest daughter’s wishes. The other daughter also took her out of the home and brought her hundreds of miles away to a new place near her, which I could never afford to visit.
Do I have any recourse, even though I know my father would not want this to happen to his money? Or is it just a fact that I am poor and powerless and, therefore, I lose?
The “Lesser” Daughter
Dear Daughter,
It sounds like relations between you and your sister — if only by your reference to her as “the other daughter” and “this daughter” — is at a low ebb, if not the lowest ebb. It’s all the more difficult given your own financial circumstances. I don’t believe what your sister did was fair or above board, given what you’ve outlined here. As for your differing financial circumstances, we all make choices in life and it may help to examine yours and see what you can do to change them, with or without this inheritance.
‘If there is a will where your sister is favored, surely she wouldn’t mind if you saw it? A last will should be filed with the probate court in the county where your father died.’
This impersonal language (“the other” daughter) and anger toward your sister may also distract you from your primary purpose. I believe your priorities should be: (i) Your mother’s health, (ii) your father’s estate and (iii) only then, the effect your strained relationship with your sister is having on you personally; it seems to be the result of years of resentment — perhaps on both sides.
If there is a will where your sister is favored, surely she wouldn’t mind if you saw it? A last will should be filed with the probate court in the county where your father died. Talk to your father’s lawyer and bank, and your mother to find a copy of his will. Go through his correspondence and find out what investments and bank accounts he owned. If your case seems strong, a lawyer may only expect payment when the estate is settled. Has your sister even filed the will with the probate court? The statute of limitations on challenges varies; typically, you must file a challenge within one year.
You are your father’s legal heir, along with your mother and sister. If there is no will and/or no will can be found, you are entitled to a share of your father’s estate, if there is enough to be distributed among his three surviving family members. There is nothing your sister can do to change that. In New York, if your father died intestate (or without a will) your mother would inherit the first $50,000 of your father’s estate and half of the balance, and the children inherit everything else. Power of attorneys can be reversed, and last wills and testaments can be rewritten.
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A member of the Moneyist Facebook Group recommends you contact adult protective services in the town where your mother is living. But she cautions that you may not get the result you want. “It’s easy to feel cheated, but perhaps your mom isn’t so much afraid of your sibling as she is afraid of hurting your feelings,” she said. Also, your sibling might have very valid reasons for moving your mother closer to her — and spiting you might have been the last thing on her mind.” You may be her favorite, as you say, but your mother might be grateful that she has a home where she is cared for.
I agree that your mother’s long-term care should be your first port of call. Ultimately, I’m sorry your father died under these circumstances and that your mother feels helpless. A lawyer could help figure out who is paying for your mother’s care and whether she has signed over her house, and if that is even legal given her diminished health. This could be considered a case of elder financial abuse or coercion. There are several state-by-state resources for free legal services. You’re in a vulnerable position and you are angry. Keep the lines of communication open with your mother.
You are not powerless. This is your family too, and you should fight for it.
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